It's been almost four years since I contracted HIV. In the back of my mind I've always held onto a little piece of hope. Hope that the man who gave it to me would one day apologize. One day we would cross paths and we would have to have that long conversation because it was time.
Almost a month ago I found out he passed away in March of this year. I was fine, absolutely fine, before I found out. The day after I found out, my mind and body shut down. It was really different. The last time I felt those feelings was the day I found out about my status. I don't know if his death was related to the virus or if it was something else. We never spoke after our break up.
So the closure I once hoped for and just knew deep down was coming, isn't. I got closure, just not the closure I needed and wanted. He died before apologizing, he died before acknowledging the fact the he gave me something that could have potentially ruined my life. To end this and to get my closure, I want to tell him Thank You...
(Stay tuned for next blog entry to understand why a thank you is needed.)